I will play my game

lush_surf @ 2005-06-21T20:06:00

2005-06-22T00:13:25Z

(1) Your gender: female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?:uh huh
(4) Want to be? i like the freedom...but it would be nice to have sumone
(5) Your birth day: sept 7
(6) Age you act: 6
(7) Age you wish you were: 6
(8) Your height: 5'1 3/4"
(9) The color of your eyes: blue
(10) Happy with it?: dunno
(11) The color of your hair: brown
(12) Happy with it?: dunno
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: righty
(14) Your living arrangement?: mum dad brother sister cats dog birds
(27) Your family: ^
(29) What's your job: camp councelor
(30) Piercings?: ears
(31) Tattoos?: none
(32) Obsessions?: conor oberst
(35) Do you speak another language?: espanol
(36) Have a favorite quote?: i do not read the reviews, no i am not singing for you
(37) Do you have a webpage?: myspace
(38) Do you live in the moment?: i hope so
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: to a degree
(40) Do you have any secrets?: yah
(41) Do you hate yourself?: not usually
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: i feel it has character
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: i clap and snap and have a need to make noise i guess when im bored
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: "you're really good at dancing" - compliments of sum 13 yr old on tha disco cruise
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: The Polar Bear
(46) What's your biggest fear? having no one
(47) Can you sing: have u ever heard of a little group called 4ever?
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: i dont think so
(49) Are you a loner?: at times
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: only if i was really tolerant
(52) Are you a daredevil?: not so much
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? i dont think i show enough emotion to the people i need to
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: aggressive when i care
(55) Have you got a disease?: i hope not
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: strength - my ability to read ppl 80% of tha time. weakness: my physique, or lack there of.
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: greater stamina
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: creativity. couldnt live without it
(59) How do you vent?: ignore the person + find a couch/bed/place in tha woods
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: yes
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: i shouldve kept up with soccer
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: yes
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: have a fucing blast
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: my hair after i take a shower
(65) And least?: my hair after not taking a shower
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: cute maybe at times.
(67) Are you confident?: not so much
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: hmm i really dont know. there are things i can relate to with characters like holden from catcher and tha kid from perks...but idk
(69) Do people know how you feel?: not so much
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: often
(71) Smoke?: nope
(72) Do drugs?: nope
(73) Read the newspaper?: not so much
(74) Pray?: no
(75) Go to church? rarely
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: i try not to
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: not anymore
(78) Take walks in the rain?: i should. but i dont
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: i try not to
(80) Drive?: nope
(81) Like to drive fast?: ^
(82) Liked your voice?: no
(83) Hurt yourself?: not on purpose...
(84) Been out of the country?: ya
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: quite possibly
(86) Burped?: never. (jk)
(87) Been unfaithful?: no
(88) Been in love?: no
(89) Done drugs?: no
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: no
(92) Had a surgery?: no
(93) Ran away from home?: no
(94) Played strip poker: no
(95) Gotten beaten up?: no
(97) Been picked on?: ya
(98) Been on stage?: no
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: your wierd.
(100) Slept outdoors?: haha slumber parties in tents rule
(101) Thought about suicide?: not seriously
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: ya
(103) If yes, what is your record?: ...all night?
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: no
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: no
(107) Slept all day?: no
(108) Killed someone?: no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: no
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: no
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: everyonce in a while
(112) Kissed the same sex?: no
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: no
(114) Been betrayed?: not that i can remember
(115) Had a dream that came true?: i rarely dream
(116) Broken the law?: yah... nothing major
(117) Met a famous person?: haha jane goodall
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: not that i know of
(146) Stolen anything?: sure. nothing important tho
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: nope
(148) Been in a mosh pit?: haha no
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: no
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no (151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no. nick's mom has only good things to say.
(152) Bungee jumped?: no
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
(154) Shoe brand?: puma
(155) Brand of clothing?: wutev
(156) Cologne/perfume?: dont really have one
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: jeans/shorts, t-shirt
(159) Wear hats?: my 4ever hat
(161) Wear make-up?: not so much
(162) Favorite place to shop?: dont do much shopping
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: rufio shirt <3 hasslehoff
(164) Are you trendy?: haha no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no

BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: yah (167) Miracles?: no
(168) Astrology?: no
(169) Magic?: no
(170) God?: currently debating
(171) Satan?: even less
(172) Santa?: mhmm
(173) Ghosts?: no
(174) Luck?: no
(175) Love at first sight?: "eh... if by love you mean 'i want her in my pants,' then yes"
(176) Yin and Yang?: no
(177) Witches?: no
(178) Easter bunny?: yah
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: not easy, but possible
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: only if its in ireland
(181) Do you wish on stars?: no
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: seeing what as a section title?
(183) Do you remember your first love?: no
(184) Still love him/her?: ^
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: ?
(187) Turn-on?: cuteness, amazing hair, a well-toned derriere
(188) Turn-off?: ur face. ooooooooooohhh
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: lucky
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: getting to know them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: sure
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: hmmm. it seems like when i like someone i sort of put off any physical unattractiveness, only to find it again once i lose interest
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: didnt u already ask me that?
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: they have boobies. + vaginas. but their often kind...and fun
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: often too timid.
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: umm prolly an amazing card. or an amazing soccerball
(208) Are you in love?: i am not
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: as i currently am not in possession of a significant other, no.
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: strip.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: ew rob kneeland
(212) You wanted to kill?: ew rob kneeland
(213) That you laughed at?: rebecca
(214) That laughed at you?: rebecca
(215) That turned you on?: jeremy
(216) You went shopping with?: amy
(217) That broke your heart?: dont wanna tlka about it
(218) To disappoint you?: my mom lol
(219) To ask you out?: ew rob kneeland
(220) To make you cry?: jason
(221) To brighten up your day?: jeremy
(222) That you thought about?: jeremy
(223) You saw a movie with?: andrea
(224) You talked to on the phone?: my dad
(225) You talked to through IM?: umm sarah?
(226) You saw?: rebecca
(227) You lost?: idk
(229) You thought was completely insane?: myself
(230) You wanted to be?: dunno
(231) You told off?: ew rob kneeland
(232) You trusted?: beckey
(233) You turned down?: dunno

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: a min ago maybe
(235) Laughed?: when greg tried to skateboard haha
(236) Cried?: dont know
(237) Bought something?: haha this fire extinguisher candy at tha store that was uspposed to rock. but didnt.
(238) Danced?: Sugar Shack. ew. But Disco Cruise befor that.
(239) Were sarcastic?: prolly sumtime this afternoon
(240) hugged someone?: idk. i need more hugs. i really do.
(241) Talked to an ex?: wednesday?
(242) Watched your fave movie?: haha wednesday
(243) Had a nightmare?: dont dream...
(245) Talked on the phone?: eralier today
(246) Listened to the radio?: in tha car yesterday
(247) Watched TV?: couple hours ago
(248) Went out?: idk
(249) Helped someone?: haha idk
(250) Were mean?: prolly at sum point today
(251) Sang?: earlier in tha survey when i was listen to sum postal service
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: its been a long while
(253) Said "I love you"?: couple hours ago
(254) Missed someone?: right now
(255) Fought with a family member?: yesterday?
(256) Fought with a friend?:dont think ive been in any fights lately
(257) Had a serious conversation?: couple days ago
(258) Got drunk?:never

lush_surf @ 2005-06-21T19:14:00

2005-06-21T23:14:33Z

jeremy came over yesterday. i think we had fun. we hugged for a long time. that was good
yeah, that was good

lush_surf @ 2005-04-22T15:35:00

2005-04-06T19:54:47Z

FIRSTS:
1. First Best Friend: Beckey i supposed. tho i guess i dont have one. Scott and jason too. or kiera
2. First Love:haha good question. luke maybe, but i dont know if i ever really loved him. but at the time i thougth i did
3. First Real Kiss: patrick
4. First Screen Name: same as now
5. First Pet: ginger
6. First Car: not yet

LASTS:
1. Last Cigarette: never
2. Last Kiss: long time ago
3. Last Good Cry: too recent, but im trying to stop my crying for no reason
4. Last Beverage Drank: water or grape juice i forget
5. Last Food Consumed: chewy bar
6. Last/Current Crush: Jason I suppose because i cant stop thinking about him and i cant feel anything from anyone other than him. Dave wants me to go to a concert with him fri noght, but im afraid to. i just want to be his friend. and alex wants me to go to a film thing with him, and im also afraid to do that because i barely even want to be his friend. i really do like Jason tho.
7. Last Phone Call:I have to call Beckey tonight

RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Who is your best friend: I think if i put down who my best friend is she proabaly wouldnt put me as her bestfriend. i think its safe to say that i am nobodys bestfriend.
2. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: no

FASHION STUFF:
1. Where are your favorite places to shop: i dotn like to shop(yeah i know what a freak of nature) but i like pac sun and BOBS!!!!! lol
2. Favorite item of clothing: my black skirt maybe or my new element shirt. oh i like my shoes too

SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: No
2. What kind of shampoo do you use:pantene pro v
3. What are you most scared of: yes lots
4. What would you change about yourself: i would be happy and all the scars on my wrist from cutting would go away. I would have more friends and people would pay attention to me. even tho i hate attention. and i would be happy with my body

FAVORITES:
1. Colors: lime green+blue
2. Foods: pineapple
3. Subject in school: spanish cuz im with jason, but i hate spanish. i like english. i like art but i hate my 2 art classes cuz they frusterate me.
4 Animals: leopards
5. Sports:basketball, soccer, skateboarding if that counts
6. Movie: boondock saints, crazy/beautiful, dead poets society, big wednesday, breakfast club

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: no
2. Made yourself throw-up: no
3. Skinny dipped: no
4. Been in love: no

CURRENT:
1. Clothes: red shorts, billabong shirt
2. Music: nothing
3. Make-Up: none
4. IM's: nobody

LAST PERSON:
2. Hugged: Alex or Jenny, I forget
3. IM-ed: Jeremy i think
4. Last person who slept over at your house: Jenn and Sarah
5. Last person?s house you slept at: Jenn's

RANDOM:
1. In the morning I am: tired
2. Love is: what i think i feel somtimes but am never really quite sure
3. I dream about:well the day before yesterday i dreamt i was being attacked by a buffalo... lol sketchy i know

PAST/FUTURE:
1. 7 years ago: I was quiet and I liked alot of stuff. I just moved
2. 5 years ago: I had friends. I was alot happier
3. 3 years ago: I was a follower
4. 1 hour ago: eating or walking
5. Tomorrow: Day 5, i might skip school cuz i dont get to see Jason and he is my current reason for school.
6. College: yeah, ill be forced to. tho i probably would anyway. i want to surf
7. Today: I'm a wallflower

lush_surf @ 2005-03-20T10:56:00

2005-03-20T15:56:25Z

realization - 1: the actionof realizing : the state of being realized, 2: something realized
realize - 1: to bring into concrete existence, 2: to convert into actual money, 3: to conceive vividly as real

Powerful word, realize. Realization seems to take place in all time, past, present, future... realization occurs best for me in the Now. There is something great, sad, powerful, pulling, and relieving for the mind to realize something.

What I realized today, is how close I've come to ruining my life forever in the past. Be smart, think through what you do, and realize that the smallest action can have dire consequences.

lush_surf @ 2005-03-20T10:55:00

2005-03-20T15:55:36Z

yeah its fun.

hw is not. school=okay. better

lush_surf @ 2004-08-21T09:18:00

2004-08-21T13:22:14Z

i dont know what i want. i just know its not here. someday, when im older, ill move away to california or hawaii and be myself. i cant stand this life!!! as hard as i try, it blows

basketaball

2004-08-13T20:05:42Z

So i was playing basketball by myself in my yard yesterday. and i noticed that my neighbor, Todd, was watching me. he plays basketball too. i mustve looked kinda dumb dribbling against invisable defenders and practicing setting picks and passing to people who werent there. but like i said, he plays basketball too so he mustve known what i was doing. but it was different. cuz when he practices, in his mind hes taking on his friends or playing in an imaginary game. I was taking on the world.

lush_surf @ 2004-08-13T15:57:00

2004-08-13T20:04:09Z

its hard to be yourself when everybody hates u for no reason. and its hard to get motivated when youre isolated from the world. and its hard to wake up in the morning wondering why u even bother. and its hard to act like everythings ok all the time.

lush_surf @ 2004-08-11T11:41:00

2004-08-09T15:43:29Z

i wish my life was a little bit better. i wish i had soemthing to live for. anything.

dont listen to what their bitter hearts are gonna say

2004-08-09T15:39:43Z

im so sick of being lonley. the people i miss i may never see again. but i miss them soooo much i cant explain it. i thought before i would never see them again, and ive seen them since, but now i dont know if i ever will be able to see them and talk to them and have fun like we used to. and everybodys mean to me for no reason at all. but when i think of him i know everything will be just fine in the end. i can always see him again in my dreams...

ETERNITY Cause all you have is your eternity

2004-08-09T15:15:37Z

Memories are simply movies we can play over and over again in our heads starring ghosts.The people in our heads dont exist anymore. And you cant look to the future for hope because there is no future. Its that simple, it does not exist. It is no more real than the ghosts running around our heads reinacting a simpler time when everyone was a little bit happier. You will never get to the future, it will always be right now. So if you will never get to the future, try as you might, and the past is just an illusion that never really happened, what does that leave you with? what do you have? Youe have right now. The present. This very second, this exact moment. This is your eternity.